Disturbed in Sprit
I have never been in the township after dark; going was an eye opening experience. The streets were crwaling with people: drunk men, parties, scandelous couple that were all over each other, babies running around, children playing with one another, young girls prowling the steets, guys hanging out… chaos. I went with my leader to pick up a friend of ours, we were waiting outside of a shop in our combi (our van) to meet him.
As we waited I watched and observed, I saw some of my kids from Joshua Project and a few of the Street boys. While we were parked out front of the shop in front of us there was a little red car with a suspicious looking older white man parked opposite of us. In the township it is very rare to see white people unless they are missionaries (which is always obvious), usually the only time the local white people come it is for dishonorable intentions. My leader and I wondered aloud what he could be up to, half expecting a girl to get in his car.
Not more than five minutes later two teenage girls wearing revelaing cloths got in the car with the man- we gasped. It was obvious what was going on. My heart sank. The two girls couln not have been over the age of seventeen. My stomach turned and my spirit was tormented at the pure evil of the situation.
I wanted to jump out of the car. I just sat there and watched. I did not do a thing. As they drove away the young girl and I caught each others eye, she made the most memorable expression I have ever seen. Shrouded with shame, guilt, disgust, and hopelessness she grinned, I pleadingly gazed back. I will never forget that expression.
My soul aches. Aches. I don’t know what to do. I should have done something. I could have, should have at least tried to do something. I could have jumped out of the car and pleaded with them not to go with him. I should have tried. I literally stared evil in the face and cowered. I am disturbed deep within my spirit. Deeply, deeply disturbed.
Those girls were so youg, and must have felt so desprate. I will never forget what I saw. I am not only disturbed by the reality of what goes on; wich I knew, but it is very different when you have a faces before you and it happens before your very eyes; but i was also disturbed at my inactivity towards evil. I sat and watched, it being obvious what was going on. That was gravely wrong and the last thing I want is for people to excuse that. Why do people do that? Excuse or comfort and subdue convictions from the Lord? I don’t want anyone to tell me that there is nothing that could have been done and that to do something would have been dangerous- God calls us to danger! It is those very excuses that perpetuate evil in the world. It is when people excuse inactivity and cower from danger that evil continues. We are called as believers to stand in the gap on behalf of the oppressed and to rise against evil. Why subdue a charge from the Lord to rise and act? Why justify the continuation of evildoing- is that not evil in itself?
My inactivity was severly wrong. I knew what was going on and I sat there paralyzed. I am disguested with my lack of action. No wonder there is evil in the world when those who know truth and are called to act stand by cowardiosly and watch. I allowed evil; I am guilty. Guilty. No justification to be made.
God tells us to make the most of every opportunity. I pray for opportunity but when it is right in front of me I cower. In my spirit I am no settled.; knowing the injustice that was done to those girls. I pray that they were protected. I will never forget. My heart was broken.
As we drove away from the township, disturbed (and the friend we were waiting for never showed up) we prayed for the girls. We prayed for freedom, restoration and escape. We also prayed for the man, God calls us to love our enemies, we prayed for justice, conviction and grace. I came home unsettled. I could not stifle the disturbance within me, I still cant.
What happened is not ok. If you read this I beg you, with all respect, please do not leave comments trying to comfort or subdue the situation. Please do not tell me that there was nothing to be done. For I have talked to the Lord about it and He has convicted me and that is all the answer I need. Please, if you read this stop and consider, if it is your instinct to say that it was ok please reevaluate, allow yourself to be uncomfortible. And please know that this is not a “convicting story” about my time in Africa, this is reality at its most raw and volnerable.
Injustice. Evil. The darkness is being revealed and I must beg the question: is my light bright? Or am I stuck in a passionless vortext of inactive religion? Am I living the active love of Christ? The only thing that overcomes evil is love.
My Lord, my God. I cry out on behalf of this depraved people and beg that you intervine! May love reign! May your kingdom come, may justice come. Passion, light, cange, freedom, redemption, glory, healing-YOU!- fall on this broken people. May your love reign over the righteous and the unrighteous that they may see you and change their ways. May the righteous be convicted towards passionate, active love. Please forgive my inactivity towards evil. May we who know your words never excuse or subdue your conviction. May we never allow excuses for inactivity in “dangerous” situations. May we stand for you no matter the cost and spur one another towards good deeds. And Abba, I pray for those girls; knowing that you say faith can move mountains; I ask for redemption, healing, freedom, escape. And I beg for the man conviction, justice and grace. I beg you to relentlessly pursue them, Father. -Amen-
