The State of My Heart… an update

Dear Friends and
Family,

 

I never quite
know how to start these letters…

In a month (June
16^th), I will be leaving to begin the World Race.  In a month, I will have to say goodbye
to the people that I love… again. 
Sometimes I am cut to the core as I realize the brutal reality of the
life God is beckoning me to.  It’s
hard.  I feel like it should get
easier, considering this leaving thing is becoming a regular occurrence in my
life, but the fact is, it’s just not. 
Sometimes I think it gets harder. My heart gets more and more spread
out; I experience more brokenness and darkness than I will ever know how to
express. I can’t help but ask at times, is it worth it? Why do I go?

 

I have
walked through, and sat in, hell with people.

I have
seen souls and self-images destroyed by the thoughtless comments of others.

I have
seen the ache of loneliness eat away at people’s humanity.

I have
felt the animosity of apathy.

I have
seen the effects seething racism and its dark infectious grasp.

I have
seen the destructive consequences of hatred.

I have
held the naked.

I have
lived among the forgotten.

I have
seen children dying of starvation, while my belly is full of abundance.

I have
stared into the cold, weary, and hopeless eyes of unfathomable and inescapable poverty.

I have
had my life threatened and been caught in the brutality of violence.

I have
held young boys who were too high to move, as they were stepped over by crowds
who didn’t care.

I have
exchanged hopeless glances with girls who were driven away to sell their bodies
and have their innocence stolen.

I have
seen diseases eat away at those made in the image of God.
I have sat with the dying; both those who are physically dying and those whose
spirit was dying.

I have
experienced the deaths of over 11 beautiful individuals and close friends.

I have
sat through, and partaken in, the wailing that comes from deep sorrow.

I have
lingered in the despair of the brokenhearted.

 

And I am weary
and scared. I feel like my heart has been so broken; I wonder how much more it
can take. But then I remember a quote from Mother Teresa: I have found a paradox: if
you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. 

It all comes
back to love. I know that I serve a God of redemption, and my God will restore
– He is restoring – both my broken heart and the brokenness of this world.

 

And…it is
worth it. It’s worth it because, in the darkest of places, I’ve seen the most
light. I’ve been allowed to experienced hope, freedom, love, grace and peace in
ways I never could have imagined. I’ve seen Him work in places where others
would say He couldn’t possibly be.

 

I have
seen love abound and break down barriers.

I have
experienced Jesus in the most unexpected places.

I have
seen the power of pursuit.

I have heard
hymns of praise joyfully sung by those who could be viewed as crushed.

I have
been healed by the laughter of orphans.

I have
watched as once apathetic hearts were stirred towards zealous action.

I have
rejoiced with people who, having spent years in bondage, were set free for
good.

I have
seen people healed, both physically and spiritually.

I have
experienced endless grace, and have been allowed to share that grace with
others.

I have
seen the redemption that is available to the oppressed… and to the oppressor.

I have
been a part of amazing moments, when those who have been unloved realize, for
the first time, how very loved they truly are.

I have
learned that love break down barriers; and have seen proof that love is
stronger than hatred.

I have
been allowed the privilege of watching as broken lives, and a broken world, are
slowly, piece by piece, put back together again.

I have
felt loneliness eased when a small, dark hand reached up to grasp my white
hand.

I have
seen truth dawn in the darkest of places.

I have
seen His kingdom come.

 

I have been
reminded that life is more powerful than the grave, ALWAYS,

that mercy
triumphs over judgment, ALWAYS,

hope is
brighter than despair, ALWAYS,

that love
overcomes hatred, ALWAYS,

and that grass can
truly pierce through concrete.

 

It’s worth it.
Though I am small, He is not. Though I grow weak and weary, He does not. So, as
I once again prepare to go, I anxiously anticipate the Kingdom come.  I wait in aching expectation to see
light flood the darkness, hope abound for the hopeless; to see love, straight
from the Holy Spirit, consume the world.

 

So here I am:
raw, broken… full of hope. My eyes have seen the beauty of what God can do,
and that is worth it.  It is real,
this living hope, freedom is possible. I have seen it.

 

I desperately
ask that you would please be praying for me, my team, and the people we will
meet. Please pray that our hearts would be rooted in Him and that we would be a
team that is unified and devoted to following the Spirit. Please pray for our
finances –  that all of our funding
would be in our accounts by the time we leave, so our minds can be fully
focused. Pray that our hearts would be stirred to love everyone we encounter and
that we would miss no opportunity to love with the love of Christ.

 

Thank you for
taking the time to read my rant. You are all such an encouragement in my life.
I wish I had words to convey the immense blessing that each of you are.

 

Grace &
Peace,

Sydney Sample

 

Oops… I almost forgot. A HUGE “thanks”
to all of you who have so graciously supported me. I hate the whole money part,
but… so far, I have raised $9039.00 of the $14,300.00 needed. I am still in
need of  $5261.00. If you could
also pray for the financial aspect of this journey God has me on that would be
awesome. If you are interested in supporting me (awkward!) please go to:
sydneysample.myadventures.org for information on how to do so.